In an increasingly digital age, the Internet has provided us with yet another platform in which to embarrass ourselves. As if everyday life didn’t offer enough opportunity, sites like Facebook and Twitter are a minefield of virtual faux pas. Before emerging as a beautiful social media butterfly, there are a few simple rules to follow.
1. Overactive statuses
Generally, Facebook etiquette allows for the posting of no more than one status a day, although exceptions can be made for major life dramas. Does the world really need to know about how cold/hungry/bored you’re feeling? Probably not. The same rule applies to ‘checking in’. No one cares that you’re at Starbucks ordering a Venti Caramel Frappucino with an extra shot of desperation.
2. Declarations of love
This is one that is never going to end well. Everyone has an overeager Facebook acquaintance whose trials and tribulations in love are enough to fill a Jane Austin novel. When your love life gets more coverage than Perez Hilton on a Lindsey Lohan’s latest prison stint, it may be time to stop broadcasting your affairs.
3. The Chronic ‘Liker’
The ‘like’ button. A great tool for those amongst us too lazy to conjure up a banterous comment. But as with most pleasures of life, there can certainly be too much of a good thing. Lurking somewhere in the dark corners of your friends list will often be a chronic ‘liker’. This strange creature will virtually ‘like’ anything in its sights – photos, comments, and even, most abhorrently, their own statuses. As with the old Facebook ‘poke’, over-liking is just a bit creepy.
4. Being the Sad Sack
So you may have had a bad day. Maybe even a bad month. But that doesn’t mean Facebook necessarily wants to know about it. As a site that thrives of people pretending to be happier, more attractive and more successful than they really are, it doesn’t make the best of counselors. And unbeknownst to yourself, your whining unlocks a plethora of associated faux pas. Does ‘liking’ a sad sack status imply support and solidarity? Or merely amusement at the shortcomings of others? Either way, if it’s sympathy you’re looking for, Facebook is not the place.
5. Attention Whores/Compliment Fisherman
Pouty pictures, Photoshop and exposed muscles are all the telltale signs of an attention whore. Add in some fake modesty (think ‘OMG I am so fat’) and wait for the fish to bite. Whilst 1% of your audience may take the bait and wow you with eloquent, Wildean compliments, the other 99% are guaranteed to brand you a complete ass. And don’t think men are free from the popular pastime of compliment fishing. Lamenting over the fact that women that never go for ‘nice guys’ (like yourself) isn’t going to do you any favours. Perhaps neither will possessing the personality of a sodden dishcloth.
Written by @Sarahzhdavis